Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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