If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
