so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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