A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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