i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
