Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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