sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
