How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
