Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
