Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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