I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
