dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
