but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
