were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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