i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
