her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
