please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
