Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
