if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
