I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
