Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
