After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need a beard to bite.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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