That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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