If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
