I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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