I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
