I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Text me some of your sweat
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
