And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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