Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
