the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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