Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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