You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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