glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
