I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
