the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
