Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
