i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
