Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
