I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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