get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
PANTIES FOUND
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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