Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
