12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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