all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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