Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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