It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
