ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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