i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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