If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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