Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
