He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
