i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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