i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
