Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
