Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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